Tribal rule 1: You do not talk about Fight Club...

Tonight, I saw tribalism at work.
Honestly, I would say that I've seen tribalism at work my entire life. It's not that hard to find.
In particular, social groups and friendship circles are tribalism in this day and age. More so, there is nothing more tribal than a church youth group that evolves into the church young adult group.
Growing up, I belonged to a church youth group. I use the word belonged loosely because I always felt like the outsider, but for the purposes of this, I belonged to the group. The church I spent most of my adolescence in was relatively small, but a close-knit bunch. The church branded itself a family church and that mentality permeated everything. I would say there was about 20-25 of us that were very close in the church context. We sat together, hung out together after services and ran the Sunday School. Mostly, we played volleyball. Frankly, it was akin to a cult ritual. Every Wednesday before youth service, every Thursday when we traveled to Huntington Beach and the high holy holiday, the Memorial Day Picnic, we played volleyball.
Yet outside of the church, we were complete strangers. We went to different high schools and while we might congregate at the Bible Club during the week (well, not at my high school), we didn't associate in the same peer groups and pretty much didn't acknowledge each other's existence.
It's an odd dichotomy. Outside the religious sphere, the same concept is prevalent. Most people in their 20s and 30s--maybe even their 40s--band together. It's almost like the new family, except that it isn't a family. There are family values, for sure. But the shared interests are in things to do, not things people are.
But the church youth group I grew up in was a tribe. And like tribes in the past, once you leave the tribe, it's near impossible to return. You're out, you are out.

I bring this up because much of the people that formed the tribe of the church group I grew up in have formed another tribe at another church. Because of school and such, I don't associate with most people from way back then. Every so often, I'll see them at social gatherings. Nevertheless, nothing has changed. Just like it was for me when I was younger, they hang out together, go to parties together, club together, then go to church on Thursday night together. Since they are older than 21, they really drink together. Really, really drink together. Tonight, many of them were in the back yard of a house, listening to bad 80s music before the cops came and cleared out the joint.

In a way, I feel sorry for them. I used to think they are stuck and combined with an environment that doesn't encourage growth, they have nothing to gain from growing up. Yet, I'm starting to understand it know as just another expression of something that is deeply rooted in all of us: the desire to belong. That transcends religious and secular.

With a tribe comes tribal rules. They are different for each tribe, but usually they go along these lines: Join the tribe, take on the values of the tribe, stay within the boundaries of the tribe and most important, don't join another tribe. Once the tribe is set, other members have to go through an initiation of some sort to join. Once you're in, you are in.

I wonder what is the difference between a tribe and a community. There are community values and expectations and roles that people play, just like a tribe, a group and a family. Those things are common, but what are the differences? Like I said, the instances where people said something was a community was really a tribe. My church upbringing was tribal in every sense of the word. APU's attempt at being a tribe and calling it community is laughable and yet quite sad.
So, what's a community? How does community work for those that are waiting to get married until later, having children until later and taking longer to ascertain identity and commitment? Is community worth sacrificing individual wants and desires?

NOTE: I often wonder if people reading this and other blogs are taking these as advice to stay the hell away from religion. I come from a religious viewpoint, yet it really has nothing to do with religion. What I trying to do in my quirky at 2 a.m. way is make sense of the dynamics in people being in groups and it becoming more than hanging out with friends on a Friday night. But I do caution anyone and everyone to never attend a church that says it's a "family church." Trust me.