The finish line haunts me again...

In everything I have done since I had any comprehension of projects, I have struggled the most in finishing well.

I just lost a job (a hell of a job in a very tight market after making it into the final 3 out of 80 applicants) because I didn't hit the 9th-inning grand slam. I find myself back at square one and seriously panicking because I can't close the deal.

Part of it is superstitious. In my upbringing, there have been a few instances where both of my parents were in the running for fantastic jobs that would have lifted us out of the quasi-poverty that I grew up in. Yet every time, they made it to the final round, only not to get it. It has hindered our family and in a sense, it has hindered me.

My biggest strength is that I can catch the vision, bright and clear. Once I envision it, I'm going full-tilt. In classes in high school, I would start great, then teeter off in the end. Even articles I write, even blogs: I have the vision, but the implementation is very different and often, heart-breaking.

I even had a psychic tell me this. (I did it on a whim to support Gigi and Inside/Out and I gotta say, she was pretty good.)

So, here it is again. My great strength leads to my biggest weakness. I don't pace myself well and can't find the final push to finish as I started. What is most disheartening isn't that I didn't get a job or finish a project or didn't come through on a relationship. I know I'm good and capable, it's that this fully is something that I know about myself and yet, still let me down again.